Uncommon Conversation

The other day my husband totally pissed me off. He lied. He’s an awful liar. So the fact that he even tried makes me even madder. I hole myself up in my bedroom and do what any angry lover does; I relegate him to the couch. But after several hours of stewing, I realize that I can’t stay angry forever. He’s my baby’s daddy, so I need to figure out a way we can talk this out. In an effort to get some perspective, I called my BFF, God.

*Phone ringing*

“Yes, Holli.” (He knows it’s me calling. He’s got the whole all-knowing thing down pat)

“He lied.” --me

“I know.” --God

“So what are you going to do about it?” --me

“What would you like for me to do?” --God

“At the very least, smote him!” --me

At this point, I remind him that I read the Bible A LOT and he’s smoted other people for far less.

He chuckles and tells me that he gave up a while back. He prefers talking it out these days. He also reminds me that violence doesn’t pay, either.

Super. The one time I need him to open up a can of whoop *ss for me, he goes all holier than thou, Billy bumper sticker on me.

“Holli,” he scolds me in that drawn out parental tone.

“Sorry for the potty mouth.”

“Forgiven,” he replies and coughs a little into the receiver.

“Hint, huh?”

He doesn’t respond but he doesn’t need to. I got the message.

But I'll keep this handy for next time...