Letter for St. James

Occasionally, I come across a situation where I’d like to say something. Oftentimes what I’d like to talk about though, is really none of my business. For example, you see a woman and your mind says,

“Girl, why on earth are you wearing orange, Spandex to the grocery store?”

But honestly, that’s really none of your business. Mine either. So, in those situations, I write letters. Wait, wait. Now before you get your crayons and scratch paper out. Let me qualify that by saying, I don’t mail the letters. I just write.

This week’s letter:

Dear St. James Catholic School,

Each morning between taking my son to daycare and arriving at my job, I pass by your school. First let me commend you on the stone, bell steeple. I believe bells are always a nice, traditional touch at religious institutions. I also adore the well manicured school grounds, which are always teeming with smiling children, dressed in plaid, knee socks and wearing their backpacks like turtle shells. I often over hear them yelling niceties to their friends. They are not playing the dozens, as I was at their age, which suggests that your school is probably a fine teaching establishment. All of which brings me to the point of my letter, your school name, St. James, the Less.

Saint James was nicknamed, “Less” so he would not be confused with the other, more famous James. That James, happens to have his own book in the Bible and I’m sure he didn’t want anyone confusing the two and messing up his rep. Understandable.

But in my opinion, unless we’re talking about drugs, drama or acne, less is not all that good. So why in the world would you name your school after the lesser James? Don’t you teach the children to strive for the top? Be the best they can be?

Why didn’t you go full throttle and name the school after Big Daddy St. James?

No one would have blamed you.

Now, I’m a bit rusty on my Catholic history and I haven’t spent a single day in CCD but I do believe Catholics and ONLY Catholics canonize people as saints. So I’m pretty sure that you all, not necessarily you Mr. Principal, canonized St. James, the Less with that moniker.

Can you imagine what that did to that man’s self esteem?

Just in case you were unaware, let me share this with you.

St. James (the Less) was a virgin, never shaved or cut his hair, never drank any wine or other strong liquor (that means no Mad Dog, no Boones Farm, not even Bud Light). Even more importantly, he never took a bath.

Mr. Principal, this does not sound like a happy man?

I hope this proves to you and the saint naming crew that you cannot get a girl, a job or one ounce of street credit if your name is followed by “the Less.”

So in the future, I hope that you will use more care in naming both your school and your saints.

Sincerely,

Holli McCall Gordon
http://www.stjames.cdeducation.org/