Buy One Get One Free

Have you been in a store recently and seen one of those crazy coupon ladies?


You know who I’m talking about, right? She’s the lady casing the grocery store aisles carrying a Trapper Keeper full of coupons on her cart. Maybe you’ve even seen the show on TLC where this seemingly ordinary person takes you to her garage that doubles as a mini mart; then the camera pans to her in Kroger buying 18 boxes of Kotex and 20 bottles of mustard all for $3.99.

Well people, I’ve turned into one of those crazy b*tches.

Listen. I know you know me. You never saw this coming. I’m spontaneous and free spirited. I’m your girlfriend that never makes plans and flies by the seat of her pants. You’re scanning our past conversations wondering where the break down occurred. You’re afraid that if I’ve sunken this far into ridiculous-ness what in the hell will be next? I’ll show up on your doorstep selling a Kirby?!?!

Ok, ok, before you start planning an intervention at least let me explain.

I work about 2 miles away from the store, Target. My co-worker, Serita and I often drive over during our lunch break. We consider it retail therapy. One day Serita shows up with a tackle box of coupons. I think this is utterly ridiculous but I love Serita like a sister so I make vow to stand in solidarity even as people whisper, “crazy heifer,” as they pass her.

Serita buys eye shadow, a twin pack of deodorant and a couple bottles of lotion. She picks up a pair of jeans for her son and a shirt for herself. I’m just along for the ride so I get frozen meal, Goldfish crackers and a candy bar. I have three items so Serita insists that I check out first. I place my items on the belt and they ring up to about $6 bucks. Serita unloads then starts fishing inside her Box O Coupons, stacking them in booklets onto the register stand. I am horrified as I am sure the cashier is too. So I avoid eye contact with everyone and stare at the price monitor. Little by little her total dwindles from $30 --- .75 off, 1.50 off, 2.00 off. Her booklet of coupons seems endless and the “offs” just keep on rolling. At the end the cashier turns to her and says, “Your total is $8.36 and one of your purchases qualifies for a $5 Target gift card.” Serita pays her $8 bucks and change, smiles sweetly and says, “Thanks, I’ll use it next time.”

Oh hell to the naw?!?!? I had one lousy bag and she just bought the entire store for a sum total of $3. Someone please pour me a tall glass of hater-aid.

Over the next few weeks, I questioned Serita about her methods, her coupon websites and of course the mini mart in her garage. Graciously, she answered all my questions. She even stacked coupons for me and told me the best stores in which to use them.

So friends, I’ve been converted. I recently bought myself a zip up, three ring binder. It’s got pockets for my sales ads and a pouch for my calculator. All my coupons are in laminated sheets and stacked in category order --Hair care, baked goods, feminine wares, ect… To test out my newly clipped coupons, Serita and I drove over to Target today and I made out like a bandit.

Items Purchased:

Cascade drop ins
Pasta
Spaghetti sauce
(4) Bottles of Simply Lemonade
Candy bar

$1.39 (with tax)

Go ahead. Call me crazy but that’s a d*mn good deal.